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Saturday, March 2, 2013

Agora Começa as Reflexões

Well when I think about how to express my reaction to making the 7 month mark, it's pretty difficult to describe.  Hopefully these baby faces will help explain my emotions a little bit better.


Sometimes, I'm shocked that time flew by so quickly.




Other times I just want to cry when I think about having to go back home.


A few times, I get a giddy feeling when I think about seeing old friends or family.


But the majority of the time, I think to myself, "Only 3 months left?! Nope, no one's taking me away from Brazil!"

It has been such a fast 7 months.  The days have been long, but each month seems to pass more quickly than the last.  With this passing of time, I have found myself reflecting more and more- which could very well also be the result of my continuous journaling.  Either way, I have begun to analyze how I have changed this year.

I don't mean how my hair has become much longer and is now slightly highlighted, how my wardrobe has become full of Brazilian clothes, how I can't keep from dancing when I hear Brazilian music, or even how my nails always seem to be painted (something that never intrigued me when I was in the states).  I'm talking about the non-physical, deeper internal changes that Rotary claims that you will go through during an exchange.  Those Rotarians, they're always right.

Since the day I stepped off the plane in Joao Pessoa, an inner peace has been growing within me.  I think a part of that sense of peace has to do with how my view of time has changed over these months.  Time used to be a guideline to my life, but now it plays such a small part of my daily schedule.  I have become able to be more true to my body. I listen to myself when I need more sleep, exercise, or food; when I need more time with friends, family, or to myself; when I need to laugh, cry, or just breathe.  I have created an internal peace by understanding myself internally.  It's only when I skype home do I remember the stressful, crazy United States lifestyle.  It reminds me of the stress-crazed girl that I used be- snapping so easily by the littlest problems.  Believe me, I haven't completely conquered this yet, but my stress level has gone down immensely, and my ability to handle stress has risen.  My life in Brazil is like a dream; no day has a full plan.  I am able to choose on a whim what I'd like to do for the majority of each day.  This is something that will be really hard to leave behind when I get back to Minnesota.  Now, the only role that "time" plays in my life is to restrict how long I have left here in this loving Brazilian country.

The other main way that I've changed is my attitude. Leaving the United States, I had a slightly pessimistic outlook about the state that our world was in, and that often reflected into how I acted.  When I would think about all the problems, I would become internally angry and wanted to blame others for others for these issues.  Strangely enough, this year I've gained even more knowledge about the world after spending time with people from all over the world, but my attitude has changed completely. I've become so much optimistic and overall happy.  I have begun to think of the ways that I could work to understand and fix problems instead of resorting to anger.

This aspect as well has contributed to how I act now.  Brazil has made my smile wider, my laugh fuller, and the happiness last longer.  I notice myself feeling happiness in the moment, not just when I'm looking back.  The Brazilian life has helped me to live in the present.  I really feel happy here.  The kisses that I receive in school from my friends, the laughs that I have with my sister, and the nights making inside jokes with the other exchange students- these things make me so grateful for my life here.

I'm in love with all of my friends and family here in Brazil- I even love school!  I thought that leaving home for a year would be the hardest part of exchange, but in all reality, it will be coming back home that will be so much more difficult.

...Can I just stay?? Eu te amo, Brasil.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Annika, This is a beautiful, thoughtful, and inspiring essay. I think that travel can be one of life's most formative and joyful experiences, and I'm very happy that it is touching your life in this way. Love from your cousin in Virginia, Barbara Mitchell

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